How To Kiss

These days if we want answers to questions we turn to the internet. You can find the answer to almost any question online. But what is the most asked ‘how?’ question asked online? What set of instructions do we as a race of people look to Google for the most? Allow me to spell it out for you. K-I-S-S-I-N-G.

How To Kiss

If you go to Google and search for something that begins with ‘how to…’ you will be offered the most commonly searched  ‘how to…’ phrases.

‘How to lose weight fast’ is popular and ‘how to tie a tie’ is up there too. But at the top of the list is ‘how to kiss’. I myself remember googling a similar thing a few years back, once the girl germ rumours were proved to be nothing more than rumours. And with Valentine’s Day scheduled for this Sunday it suddenly seems important to look at the hows and tos and fros of kissing.

Kissing cannot be satisfactorily achieved by simply running to first base on a baseball field or by sitting up in a tree and spelling out verbs with another person. There is no fail-safe plan of attack that can lead to kissing nor ensure that said kissing is enjoyable for all.

body and lips

The best thing a person can do is think the right things whilst kissing. Kissing is a psychological activity controlled 98% by the brain and 2% by excess saliva. So here are some topic suggestions for thinking and not thinking about during kissing.


1. Butterflies
2. Eyelashes
3. Lips
4. A world without cold sores
5. Warm showers
6. Freshly-ironed pants
7. Baby horses
8. Foal
9. Sponge cakes
10. Anything dappled (exluding infectious diseases)


1. Windmills
2. Jackhammers
3. Jack Nicholson
4. Gums
5. Bleeding gums
6. Helicopters
7. Stilt walking
8. England
9. Licking the spoon
10. Circular breathing