BEDA #5: Underwear Shopping

I’m fairly sure I’m not in denial about underwear shopping.

I walk casually past the K-Mart and stall when I see the 25% Off Underwear sign. I stop and rub my chin so as to give the impression that this is the first I have known of this sale. I check the time on my phone and shrug my shoulders as if to say ‘I suppose I have time for an impulse K-Mart visit’. I walk in.

I search through the isles of the Outdoor Furniture and am surprised to suddenly find myself on the edge of the Mens Underwear section. ‘While I’m here I might as well have a look,’ I say in the body language of my swagger towards the underwears.

As I pass the sale underwears I run my eyes over them all without actually stopping. There is not much time to peruse since I am impulse shopping. The only thing I am checking for is the top rim of elastic of the underwears – the part that the general public might see should I bend over one day or wear my pants slightly too low. I reach out and grab two underwears with waist elastics that I deem to be adequate in appearance and I hustle back to the Outdoor Furniture.

In the line for the checkout I check my shopping list which has ‘Groceries’ written at the top of it. Clearly, my K-Mart trip has been a slight detour to buy my brother some new underwears. I grab a small tin of mints from the candy stand and strategically place them on top of my pile of goods, concealing the underwears from the naked eye. The checkout girl processes my items and I give her a smile that says ‘My wife asked me to buy these to clean the shower with.’ She looks at my bare ring finger as I sign the receipt but to her credit she says nothing but ‘Have a nice day’. I shove my goods into my backpack and walk out like I am very disappointed that I didn’t find anything to buy at K-Mart.

I’m fairly sure I’m not in denial about underwear shopping.

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